The “silent treatment.” I’m sure we’ve all been on both sides of this phenomenon. Someone gets angry with, or feels hurt by, another person, perhaps a loved one, a coworker, or simply an acquaintance. In a recent article by @StevenHandel, the silent treatment, or “demand-withdraw” pattern, is a sign of a toxic relationship (1). While there is nothing wrong with silence, and silence in fact can be a useful strategy to diffuse a tense situation, allowing cooler heads to prevail, the silent treatment is often employed specifically to punish or force a reaction from the other person. Such treatment is often harmful and counterproductive to a healthy relationship. As @StevenHandel reminds us, if we or our partner routinely employ the silent treatment, then it is time to reconsider our communication style (1). Poetry may be one useful strategy for breaking the silence.
Whichever side of the silent treatment you find yourself, I think that giving whomever is causing you grief a heartfelt verse could be the first step in healing for both parties. Writing a poem allows you to sift through baggage to get at the heart of what’s ailing you. Whatever your communications style (i.e., verbal, visual, kinesthetic, etc), you’re sure to find the right words to express your feelings and concerns. The incorporation of the many literary devices (i.e., alliteration, allegory, metaphor, irony, etc.) make the written word come alive, inviting thought and discussion. Poetic forms that effectively use rhyme, meter, tempo, and other devices, reach into the depths of our being, facilitating self-reflection and empathy. A poem can be short or long, humorous or serious, joyful or sad. For those of us who have difficulty expressing themselves verbally, putting our thoughts down on paper in a poem allows us to organize those thoughts into something that expresses what we want to convey.
Here’s an example. Let’s say that my significant other has been rather distant lately and forgot an important day, such as my birthday or our anniversary. Instead of reciprocating the hurt and escalating the tension, I decide to write a poem and, perhaps, give to her in a card that expresses my sorrow for the situation. That poem may go something like this:
“Now, from the West, the storm clouds march \ In phalanxed ranks that hide the sun \ And trample fields we’d sown in hope \ Of life renewed, salvation won.”
Ok, I probably won’t win any prizes for this one; but, I have expressed my frustration without going on the attack. My hope is that my Love will be moved by this little poem to begin meaningful conversation. If not, then I have at least let go of my hurt and placed in her hand. Either way, I am sure to be the better for it.
(1) Steven Handel, “The ‘Silent Treatment’ Is A Sign of a Toxic Relationship,” (theemotionmachine.com, 1/22/19)
